Uncharted Territory
by mirrorballsymphony
Summary: Cheery ventures into the forbidden world of make up, with disastrous consequences (hey, we've all been there). Angua/Cheery (though not in that way) oneshot.


**Cheery discovers (well, tries to discover) the wonders of make up - haven't we all been there? **

**Please review :)**

Angua looked sadly down at the dwarf beside her. 'Come on,' she said.

Cheery looked up. 'Where?'

'My place. I've got some stuff for you.'

Angua led Cheery quietly to her room - the clientele of Mrs Cake's could get a bit touchy about anyone alive coming into the building*.

Angua opened the door and watch Cheery look around, bemused. 'It's very...plain,' she said after a while.

'There's nothing much I want to decorate it with.'

'And there's a dog basket in the corner.

'I know a dog.'

Angus watched Cheery try and accept the possibility of a random dog coming to stay with her. 'Oh, I see.'

Angua opened a drawer and rummaged around in the back of it. She handed a small tube to Cheery. 'Here,' she said brusquely.

Cheery twisted the lid off and looked at the contents. 'What is it?'

'Lipstick.'

'What do you do with it?'

'Pass it here.' Angua took the tube from Cheery and walked over to the mirror. Cheery followed her. Angua winced at her tired face in the mirror, and put the lipstick on.

'What does it do?' Cheery asked.

Angua patted her lips with a tissue. 'It gives your lips a bit more colour. Here, you try.'

Cheery examined the tube. 'Why?'

'It makes you look...prettier. More feminine.'

'How?'

Angua hadn't got a clue. 'I think it's to do with the colour.'

'What? Pink?'

'More of a red, actually.' Angua wasn't a fan of pink. 'I don't know, guys seem to like it.'

'Does it work?'

Angua blushed. 'It's gotten me a few favours.'

'What sort of favours?'

Angua decided to ignore that question. 'Try it,' she told Cheery.

'Can you do it for me?'

'Sure.' Gently, Angua steered Cheery over to the mirror and sat her on a chair. 'Have you considered shaving off your beard?'

Cheery looked horrified. 'And not be a dwarf?'

'Okay, okay. Now close your mouth.' Angua applied the lipstick as best she could, trying not to get the beard in the way. Suddenly, she remembered doing the same thing with Elsa, and tears pricked her eyes.

'Angua? Are you okay?'

Angrily, she rubbed her eyes. 'I'm fine.'

'Only you look sad.'

'I'm just remembering my sister. I used to do this with her.'

'What happened to her?'

_Shut up!_ Angua thought. Still, she kept her voice level. 'She died.'

'How?'

_My brother attacked her. _'Oh, just an accident. Happened about four years ago.'

'How old was she?'

'Twelve. I was thirteen, fourteen.'

Cheery nodded as if she understood. 'I know what you mean. My brother was killed in the mines a couple of years ago.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. He loved his job, well, up until the tunnel went bang.'

'Ouch.'

'It happens, you know,' Cheery said matter of factly. 'Now, can I try?'

Angua wiped the lipstick off and handed the tube to Cheery. 'Sure.'

She watched Cheery glare at herself in the mirror, then carefully blob the lipstick on. She stifled a laugh. 'No, no. More smoothly.'

'Like this?'

'A bit, but don't press as hard. That's a bit better.'

Cheery turned round to her with a face like a clown. 'How do you do it?' she whined.

'Practice, I suppose.'

'You never wear it at work.'

'I used to wear it more before I joined the Watch. And I wear it when I'm out with Carrot sometimes.'

'And does he like it?' Cheery asked.

'Cheery!'

'Sorry, sorry. But that's an honest question.'

Angua thought about it for a moment. 'I think so. He doesn't really mention stuff like that.'

Cheery tried it again. 'How's that?'

'A little better. Though remember, you're not an evil clown, only a little bit of colour.'

'That?'

'Try dabbing a little bit off with the tissue.'

Obediently, Cheery wiped the lipstick off, smearing it over her face. Angua burst out laughing, but stopped when Cheery looked hurt. 'Sorry. Just try it this way.' She put a piece of paper in between her lips and closed her mouth. Cheery copied her.

'It went in my mouth!'

'You're not supposed to eat it.'

Cheery pulled the piece of paper off her top lip. 'Better?'

'Much. You can keep that lipstick, I've got another.'

'Thanks.' Cheery pocketed it. 'What's next?'

Angua rummaged in the back of the drawer again. 'How about mascara?'

'What does it do? How do you do it?'

Angua sighed. It was going to be a long evening.

* * *

The next morning, Angua walked slowly up to Vimes's office and knocked on the door. 'Come in, she heard him call.

She walked into the room and saw Vimes with his head out of the window, smoking a cigar. 'You alright, sir?'

'Oh, constable. Yes, I'm fine. Just having a smoke. It's not a great smell inside.' He chucked the end out of the window and slammed the window shut.

'Won't that set fire to something, sir?' Angua asked, perplexed.

'There's a water butt just below my window.' Vimes chuckled. 'That'll get those bloody assassins.'

Angua sighed. 'They been at it again?'

'Twenty grand now, constable.'

'Should be more. What with all the traps.'

Vimes raised his eyebrows. 'You think these are traps? You should see the house.'

'I look forward to it,' Angua said dryly.

'What did you want me for, constable?'

Angua swallowed. 'Well, you know Cheery?'

'Corporal Littlebottom? What about her?'

'Well, she's...she's female, sir.'

Vimes raised an eyebrow. 'I'm not going to ask whether you're sure, constable, because you can smell whether it's Tuesday. But why should it bother me?'

'You know the dwarfs' views on women, sir? Well, Cheery sort of wants to come out.'

'As a female? How?'

'Well, wearing make up, a skirt, that sort of thing.' Vimes looked bemused. 'You are married, sir.'

'Sybil doesn't really go for the make up stuff.'

'You'd be surprised, sir,' Angua said grimly. 'It's amazing how many people don't notice.'

She saw Vimes shoot her a sharp look, but he evidently decided to ignore that comment. 'And let me guess, you've given her the means to do this.'

'Yes, sir,' Angua said quietly.

'Why, Angua?'

'Because she wants to stop hiding, I guess. And I can sympathise.'

As soon as she said it, she regretted it, but Vimes merely chucked. 'So, should I expect mad dwarf mobs?'

'More than usual? Maybe a few.'

'And how does Cheery look with this on?'

Angua thought about all of the words she could use to describe Cheery. 'Colourful,' she finally said.

Vimes grinned. 'Well, this should be fun.'

* * *

*It was reasonable, they believed, to hate the people who hated them; people** who were alive and hated those who were just a little ...different...to them deserved to be hated back. It is this sort of logic which leads to massive explosions and casualties. And to 1001 television documentaries all trying to work out exactly _why_ they hated each other in the first place.

**Well, using the term loosely...


End file.
